Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
