God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize