Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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