this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
