She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Are my feet made of real feet?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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