I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
