nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
