R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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