i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
