Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
