i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
