the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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