And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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