I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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