Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Randomize
