my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
is it fun? or sober?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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