mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
