I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
