It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
