I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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