Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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