remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
