I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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