Apparently you make a good broom.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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