Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
