Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
