her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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