you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
