I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
