dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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