I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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