Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
