So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
