oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
then he tried to convert me to islam
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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