i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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