what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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