Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
