I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Randomize
