it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize