youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is Oprah even human
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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