evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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