Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
