Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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