sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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