Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize