He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
