sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
