I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They are going to name an STD after you.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
