we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
