do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
