We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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