I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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