Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
