mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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