and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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