i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
