A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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