You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
