No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm just crazy horny about you
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
PANTIES FOUND
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
