my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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