At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
