im six kinds of drunk right now
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
