He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
