she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
