The maid of honor just puked.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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