You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
