Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
